Growing up it wasn’t easy being a plus sized girl. Especially in high school when every crush you ever had pretended not to like you back because it wasn’t the cool thing to do or simply chose the beautiful prom queen. I couldn’t be cheerleader because I just wasn’t confident enough to try out and the only comfort I found was in the theater with the rest of my drama geeks. But it still felt like I was a minority here too.
No matter how well I landed an audition I wasn’t seen as a lead and that hurt more than being dumped by my first grade boyfriend. But I was on a mission. I wanted to land every role and become every lead. At some point in my conquest I stopped believing that it was possible. That I would forever and always be relegated to supporting character. I grew up loving movies. Grew up watching them in the kitchen because that’s where we always had our tv. Weird I know, talk to my mother about it. She still has a tv in the kitchen and guests rarely step foot in the living room. But I’m getting sidetracked. Somewhere along the way I wondered when I was going to see girls who looked like me on screen.
Then I was introduced to Ricky Lake.
She was my queen. I had watched Hairspray, Crybaby and even Mrs. Winterbourne. Just when I thought I was finally going to have someone to thrive to be without feeling that I needed to conform and be someone I wasn’t, she changed. Maybe it was what was best for her. I thought that would be the end of it.
Then in 2009 I became obsessed with drop dead diva.
A plus sized successful woman with so much confidence it radiated off the screen. This was my spirit animal. But then that was off the air and I can’t even recall the last show or movie I saw where the lead was plus sized. I thought this is the end. It crushed my acting dreams.
Especially when I had convinced myself that I would become the first plus sized woman to break into action star. Action and adventure movies had always made my blood boil. In a good way of course. I honestly thought there was no way they would ever cast a plus sized woman as an action star. It was something that was unthinkable. A fat woman fighting. Well Melissa McCarthy beat me to it with her movie Spy. A pleasure to watch by the way. It did seem like it was geared more towards comedy than action, but it was a start I guess.
Not only was this a plus sized woman kicking ass, the fact that she was plus sized was never brought up. They focused more on her inability to smooth talk people or acting natural. It’s hard to find a film or tv where the lead actress is “fat” and they don’t make it the theme. I’m still hurt that I didn’t get a kiss between Melissa McCarthy and Jude law in spy because the two had pretty decent chemistry. That movie was in a league all of its own and it gave me hope. Honestly this is what a movie should do.
Fast forward to 2018 this was the time of movements and fighting back. And it honestly seemed like my little baby prayers were going to be answered. Sierra Burgess is a loser premieres and I’m stoked. Not only was it about a plus size girl in high school finding romance because that’s something I never had the opportunity to experience, but I felt we were finally getting the movie we deserved. I saw the film and as embarrassed as I am to admit, loved it. It wasn’t until a few months later that Dumplin’ premiered that I saw the movie for what it truly was.
A girl living in the shell of someone else and not truly ever embracing who she was. Even at the end, she never really told herself I like who I am. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself and didn’t feel that we should have to feel that. This adaptation of Cyrano de Bergerac could have been told plenty of different ways. I’m honestly extremely grateful for the representation, I just feel it could have been handled way better. Then again some of us make bad choices. The most important thing is that we’re being seen more in leading roles. With isn’t it romantic it seems that we are not stopping anytime soon.
Although I do feel that we are lacking in TV representation. I barely see plus sized girls in TV other than a side character. And I’m definitely not delving into insatiable because whoever decided that that was something the world needed must have been drunk when they created it. I’m ready to create my own show with a superpowered plus size girl who gets the love of her life and doesn’t feel like second choice. She’ll definitely be kick ass and awesome. Until then I will have to hope for the best and keep a look out for more of us in TV and Movies.
