Ugh, dating.
It’s not everyone’s favorite social activity. For some, securing a date is as easy as waving down a cab. There’s little effort and they have a grasp on flirting. If you’re like me, I have no game whatsoever. I never know when someone’s flirting with me and my form of getting someone’s attention is staring awkwardly and trying to smile. Honestly, I just hope to find someone who’s into me as much as I am into them.
Getting older, dating has felt more of a chore and something I have not been looking forward to. It seemed easier when we were younger and people your age were figuring out who they want to be. Now most 30-year old’s are married or in serious relationships and the ones who are not, are trying to relive their twenties.
I’ve come to realize a few things in my two years of trying to date in my 30’s, things I’ve had to remember to save myself from frustration and disappointment. I’m sure some of you have also kept these things in mind when trying to find your perfect partner.
Not everyone is going to be looking for the same thing you are
This is something to keep in mind while your swiping on those dating apps or even hitting the club. While you may be looking for your happily ever after, someone might not be. I can’t say how many times I’ve had someone tell me they’re just looking for a casual thing while I’m looking for something serious. Usually when it comes to online dating the profiles say it, but for the ones who don’t, be straight forward with them. Some people don’t market that they’re looking for something casual. I would joke with one of my friends that I must have a FUCK ME sign tattooed to my forehead. Whenever I spoke to someone, it seemed like a secret doorway into my pants I didn’t know about.
This also brings me to mentioning meet ups. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked to someone for more than a week, sometimes even more and meeting up hasn’t been brought up in the conversation once. There were times when I’d bring up going out for coffee or drinks—spoiler, I don’t drink—we’d set something up, but when the time came there was no text or mentions. This is a tell-tale sign that they’re not as interested as you’d like them to be. This is the time when you decide to cut them loose.
Everyone has a type
This is certainly something I have struggled with. Being a plus sized woman myself I can proudly and unashamedly say that I’m not everyone’s type. It takes a special kind of guy to handle all of my craziness. Even so, it was hard for me to distance myself from my feelings when it came to dating. There was a constant voice telling me I’m not beautiful. Why isn’t anyone talking to me? I assure you it has nothing to do with your attractiveness, but what they are attracted to.
I’m a plus sized woman and what attracts me mostly are fit white and Asian men, and that’s something I shouldn’t feel ashamed of and I shouldn’t go on a date with someone out of pity or because I feel bad. It’s not good for them and it wouldn’t make me feel good as a person knowing that I’m giving them false hope. Bottom line, everyone has a type. You might be theirs or not. It’s not something that should deter you from dating. As Aliyah once said, if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.
Happiness can be around the corner, if that’s with someone or by yourself.
Try new things
This is where the real-world hits you. Before the smart phones and apps, meeting people happened out in the world. Hanging out with friends, at the beach, even taking an art class. If you’re finding failure in online dating, then it’s time to get out of the phones and try something new. You can consider things such as single mingles or speed dating. I guarantee you everyone at those things are just as nervous as you are, and what better way to calm the nerves than meeting someone with those exact nerves. There’s also wine and painting classes that you can do with a girlfriend, especially with that friend you haven’t met up with in a while.
Recently I’ve done two things I’ve never done before—paint balling and climbing a mountain. The latter proved to be difficult but rewarding. People tend to be social and talkative when it comes to these types of activities. It only takes a span of thirty minutes to know someone. I’ll be the first to admit, I can be socially awkward when it comes to talking to a guy I’m interested in. I’ve picked up a trick, act as though this person is a friend you’ve known for a long time. It’s not someone new, but someone you’re reconnecting with. It should help with calming that beating heart of yours.
Video calls and Quarantine are best friends
I realize that now our world has changed. Mingling and meeting outside of the online community may be impossible for some and may be even safer to stay home. That’s where video calls come in. Once upon a time a video call was a doorway to online masturbation. Well my friends, that time has not come to a complete end, but it does not have to be a death sentence.
In this new time, video calls have come to the level of texting and aren’t something we should fear. Just put some pretty lip gloss on or wear you’re beautiful bare face, smile and say cheese.
I’ve learned that dating can be a gift as well as a curse.
Sometimes you have to have an open mind
I’m the kind of person that is set in her ways. My sister always gets at me for it. What can I say, I’m stubborn. But I got to say one thing she says makes sense and that’s to keep an open mind. I have to remind myself that not everyone’s going to fit the perfect list. Some of those boxes will never get checked off and that’s fine.
Don’t give up and Never Settle
This must be the most important. You can get discouraged. Some people might make you feel that it’s impossible. Others will definitely tear you down. I can’t stress this enough. There’s been times when I’ve put down my phone, where I’ve stopped approaching men in social environments because it’s been instilled in me that I’m not good enough. You are good enough. And the best way to show the world that is by not giving up and never settling for less. Everyone deserves the world.
Dating is not easy. Suffice to say it could be chucked up to one of the worlds evils, but it’s something we all want to do at one point. As humans we look for human interaction and companionship. We should remember beyond the frustration and aggravation not to give up. I’m not saying your world should revolve around dating, but don’t close yourself off to the possibilities. Because in the end, a possibility could ultimately be your future.
